The Curse of the Vampire Printer: Is Your Office Printer Bleeding You Dry?

It’s late at night, the office is empty. The flickering fluorescents cast long, eerie shadows. You’re about to leave, but something feels off. Then you see it... A decrepit figure lurking in the corner!! Oh phew, it's just your old office printer. It's been here for as long as anyone can remember, laboring away in the darkness like a trusted employee. But what if I told you that your seemingly helpful office printer is actually A VAMPIRE draining your precious resources drop by drop?!? 

Some may doubt their existence, but vampire printers are real. They are among us, feeding upon the essence of your office's efficiency like Count Dracula himself. And while you’re going about your day, this profit-sucking monster is sinking its fangs into your budget, stealing your ink, energy, and time. Ready to put an end to its malevolent reign of terror? Let's start by shedding some light on the problem. 

Naturally, printers are supposed to bring life to your business by keeping your operations running smoothly and cost-effectively. But vampire printers have unnaturally insatiable appetites--relentlessly guzzling resources like ink and toner by the bucketful until your office supplies department is wailing in despair at the loss. 

The scary truth is: printer ink costs more than human blood—no, seriously! When you break down the cost per ounce, printer ink far surpasses the price of even some of the finest wines. And what does that vampire printer do? It consumes that ink at an alarming rate while providing nothing but mediocre print quality in return. 

The cost of living forever 

Why do vampire printers do this? Well, that’s the price of living far beyond your natural lifetime.  

Printers are meant to be replaced ever three years, max. The reasons for this are not nefarious – it’s the byproduct of a culture where technology advances so much in just a year or two. Technologies that were cutting edge ten years ago are entirely obsolete today.  

Advances in ink cartridge and toner cartridge design continue to make new printers more cost-effective, more earth-friendly, and more energy-efficient. So by comparison, those once useful, youthful printers become ink and toner suckers that are draining the lifeblood out of your company budget.  

Very old printers won't just consume your ink. With increasing problems such as jams, streaks and fading prints, they'll eat up your energy as well. They're literally energy vampires! 

By keeping your fleet youthful and vibrant with current devices, you can avoid the hidden dangers of vampire printers that can bleed you dry! 

If you thought vampire printers only feasted on ink and toner, think again. Old printers use outdated power systems that can empty your office’s energy resources faster than a vampire swooping in for a quick bite. But this midnight snack can happen at any hour of your workday. 

Sure, these machines might still print, but at what cost? Vampire printers keep you in the dark about their inefficiencies until you see that shocking power bill. Leaving a vampire printer plugged in is like leaving your bedroom window open for Nosferatu. If you're not careful, these cursed printers will silently suck all of the energy out of your office, leaving you and your team feeling drained—financially AND mentally.  

Looking for a bit of "holy water" to balance out the effects of the energy vampires? Here's some advice on energy-saving strategies for the Federal Energy Management Program. 

Not sure if your printer is a vampire or just an annoying relic of the past? Let’s dig into some telltale signs that your office printer has joined the ranks of the undead: 

• Thirst for Ink and Toner: Does it feel like you’re constantly replacing cartridges? Older printers are notorious for insatiably gulping down ink and toner. 
• Slow as Death: Modern printers zoom through jobs with lightning speed, but your vampire printer? It crawls through print jobs like a creature from the crypt. 
• Expensive Repairs: Just like with any ancient being, keeping a vampire printer alive comes at a cost. They constantly break down and need replacement parts that are either out of stock or outrageously expensive. The cost can drive you absolutely batty.
• Draining Energy: Vampire printers are sneaky energy thieves, wasting your precious electricity with their outdated technology and constant power usage.  

It’s time to drive a stake through the heart of your vampire printer and put an end to that ink-sucking beast once and for all. Here’s how you can truly defeat it (no crosses necessary): 

1. Analyze Your Print Usage: Take a good look at your printer fleet. How old are they? Do they use more ink or toner than they should? Perhaps an ancient evil lives among them.  
2. Monitor Energy Consumption: If your energy bills are sky-high, track down which devices are using the most. If the printer is at the top of the list, it’s a sure sign you’ve got a vampire on your hands. 
3. Conduct a Cost Assessment: Calculate how much you’re spending on ink, toner, and electricity. Vampire printers cost more to operate in the long run—so figure out the money (and sanity) you could be saving by upgrading to a newer model. 
4. Work with a Managed Print Services Provider: A managed print services provider, like Flex Technology Group, can help you assess your current printer fleet situation and recommend newer, more efficient models to save you money in the long term. 
5. Dispose of Your Vampire Printer: Don’t let it keep haunting your office! Get rid of it once and for all by recycling it responsibly as recommended by the EPA. 

Once you've banished that primeval vampire printer from your office, it's time to lighten things up by bringing in a newer model that’s up-to-date, energy-efficient, and designed to use ink and toner sparingly. Modern printers are smarter, faster, and way less thirsty for your resources. With automated systems that help manage ink levels, energy-saving modes, and advanced printing technology, these machines are the exact opposite of the ink-thirsty beasts you’ve been dealing with. 

Just like vampires don’t cast a shadow and you can’t see their reflection on a mirror, vampire printers can be lurking inside your print fleet. We can do a full efficiency analysis of your print operation, shedding bright daylight into the health and efficiency of your printing devices. 

As the nation’s largest privately-owned, brand-neutral managed print services (MPS) provider, Flex Technology Group has helped over 300,000 companies improve their print operations and reduce annual costs.  

We can help you escape the curse of the vampire printer by analyzing your current printer fleet and replacing those ancient machines with state-of-the-art, resource-efficient models. You’ll reduce your costs, improve productivity, and finally be free of those ravenous monsters lurking in the corners of your office.  

Our intrepid Flex Technology Group vampire hunters (well, print operations specialists 😄) are ready to help you put a stake through the heart of those outdated, inefficient printers. Don’t let undead devices drain your resources any longer.  

Contact us now and start your journey out of the darkness, toward a safer, brighter, less scary future.